Teens aren’t the problem. Stereotypes are.
Psychologist explains how bias hinders good parenting
Teenagers are often seen as moody, rebellious and overly focused on what their peers think. Wake Forest Psychology Professor Christy Buchanan says these stereotypes can hinder good parenting and negatively affect parent-teen relationships.
Buchanan, a developmental psychologist, has spent years researching parenting beliefs and practices. Her research suggests that negative stereotypes about adolescents can lead to expectations for specific children that are more negative than they should be based on the child’s history of behavior. And, they can make parents less confident and less effective.
She explains how looking beyond adolescent stereotypes can lead to better parenting.
What are some of the most common negative stereotypes parents hold about teenagers, and what effect can these stereotypes have?
The most common stereotypes about teens are that they are risk-takers in a negative or unhealthy way, that they are moody or emotional, that they fight a lot with parents, that they resist what parents want them to do, that they care little or nothing about what parents want or think. Research shows that believing stereotypes can create self-fulfilling prophecies and negatively affect parent-teen relationships.
What is confirmation bias?
Confirmation bias is essentially noticing those things that are consistent with your expectations and missing those things that are inconsistent with your expectations. So if I expect my teenager to challenge me, to question what I’m doing as a parent to care more about what their peers think than what I think, then as a parent, I’m more likely to notice the instances where they do question what I say or do, or where they make a statement that shows that they care about what a peer is thinking. In contrast, I might miss all those times when they are being cooperative, helpful, kind, generous – the things that aren’t part of the most common stereotypes of adolescents. In fact, research suggests that teens more commonly do a lot of those positive things in the course of a day or a week than they do the negative things.
What practical advice can you offer parents to help them see beyond stereotypes and foster a more positive relationship with their teenagers?
Parents can see beyond stereotypes by reminding themselves that stereotypes are overgeneralizations that often inaccurately represent what people do, and that they certainly might not be a good indication of what their own teenager is doing. Try to pay attention to the positive things that your teenager is doing. Explicitly look for those things that you might miss because of a confirmation bias, the things they’re doing every day, often, all day long.
Parents can explicitly pay attention to those things they might miss because of the negative stereotypes. They can notice the positive things adolescents are doing most of the time. Whether it’s getting up on time to make it to school, doing homework, helping out around the house, or just having a nice conversation with someone else in the family, don’t miss those things. Noticing these behaviors can lead to a better relationship with a teenager.
Are there other consequences associated with teen stereotypes?
Parents sometimes assume negative intent or negative causes for a behavior rather than more sympathetic causes. For example, let’s say a teenager is particularly emotional or moody one day. The assumption might be that they’re doing that for no good reason or because they’re actually trying to be troublesome. In reality, maybe something’s going on with the teenager that day that could be addressed sympathetically, maybe they had a long hard day trying to meet lots of expectations all day long. Maybe something difficult happened in a class or with a peer that they haven’t talked about yet.
The stereotypes say peers are important and parents are not so important. The research data says something different: Peers become more important than they were before, but parents remain important. So if parents are paying attention to the stereotypes, they may not realize that they still remain very important.
Also, my research suggests that negative stereotypes about adolescents exist and can lead to expectations for specific children that are more negative than they should be based on the child’s history of behavior.
Most importantly, I want parents to know that if their teen is exhibiting negative risk taking or exhibiting a lot of negative emotion, and those things are going on for more than a few days or weeks, theyshould seek help, talk to a professional, see if there’s something that they can do to help their teenager in that situation instead of assuming this is normal teen behavior.
What parenting style do you recommend for long-term positive outcomes?
The recommended parenting style is to be a loving, involved parent who sets reasonable rules with some reasonable consequences for breaking rules. Adolescents need parents to be parents, but they need that to be done in a way that makes them feel loved, respected and cared for. I encourage parents of a child on the verge of adolescence to be attentive but not worried and anxious.
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